


old sins cast long shadows

by morningeve



Series: lay your weapons down [2]
Category: Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi, Star Wars Original Trilogy, Star Wars: Rebels, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Force Ghosts, Gen, ahsoka lives
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-17
Updated: 2017-01-08
Packaged: 2018-07-24 14:49:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7512392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/morningeve/pseuds/morningeve
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>or, the five times Ahsoka Tano thought she saw ghosts of her past and the one time she did</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. one - been in the dark

**Author's Note:**

> This used to be one long fic about Luke and Leia meeting Ahsoka for a Coruscant mission some time after the Battle of Endor (a variant of #5). But then I realized there was too much emotional development to cram into what would essentially be less than one day of story time, so I made everything longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happens right after Ahsoka sends the Ghost to find Rex

Lord Vader was a mystery through the systems. Lord of what exactly? He was known by no other name. No past, no history to speak of. Some called him the Emperor’s shadow. An ominous figure even the Imperial leaders were afraid of. Where he went, destruction followed. He was cold and unforgiving. The modulator in his mask made him sound even more sinister. Ahsoka had always suspected the work of the Sith beneath the inane politics of the Empire.

But not this.

Her ship was still hot when she sprinted through the long forgotten tunnels underneath the royal palace of Alderaan. Her very presence here was a danger and she rarely ever graced Bail with a visit, but all of her emotions were being overridden by a single thought in her head that left her with her heart trying to pound straight out of her chest.

Gathering her strength in the Force, she sped forward, and rushed through the doors of the salon before the guards even had the chance react. “Bail!” she said, pulling her cloak closer in on herself to hide her face. The guards stepped forward.

“It’s alright.” Bail waved at the men. “You may leave us.”

“Auntie Soka?” Leia sat up from the couch where father and daughter had been pouring over a datapad. “Are you alright?”

“I need to speak with your father,” she told the girl. “Alone.”

“As you well know Ahsoka, Leia will soon take my place in the Senate and is well aware of the more delicate matters of our operations. I’m sure-”

But Ahsoka was trembling. She looked from Leia to Bail. “I have come across sensitive information.” At least her voice was holding steady. “Regarding the shadow.” The Emperor’s favorite.

“Lord Vader?” Leia asked, her voice full of wonderment, but tinged with the slightest bit of fear.

Bail’s demeanor changed instantly. “Leia, please go to your room. We will discuss politics later.”

“You said it yourself. I’m to join the Senate soon. Whatever you have to say, I can hear it. I’m not afraid of anything, much less that buckethead!”

“Leia,” Bail said gently.

“I want to know what’s going on! The Empire is doing who knows what to the galaxy, and I will help the people I can!”

“Leia, we talked about this. There are some things you can’t know.” Bail looked helplessly up at Ahsoka, who was staring straight into Leia.

Her anger was nearly fracturing what was left of Ahsoka’s tenuous hold on her emotions. It was so reminiscent of, of--

Even now she could not bring herself to think it.

“Remember how we talked of compartmentalization?” continued Bail. “If it is information you need, I will be sure to tell it to you. You need to trust me.”

“Promise?” she said, an edge in her voice.

“Promise,” Bail replied, with a patience Ahsoka had once attributed to only Obi-Wan.

Leia left the room, glancing back at them, before shutting the door.

“What is it?” Bail asked quietly. But Ahsoka was still thinking about the ghost of her former teacher in the face of a young girl. “Ahsoka?” She snapped out of her reverie.

“The Emperor’s shadow,” she said, forcing her voice to be steady. “He _is_ a Sith Lord, and I know who he is. Bail, he’s…”

The senator turned away. Ahsoka’s gaze hardened. “How could you not tell me?”

Bail hung his head low. “There were whispers, but Master Kenobi told me that he had died.” There was a lie in there somewhere, she could feel it radiating from him. “I don’t know if it’s true, but I have kept a great many more secrets that cannot be told, Ahsoka. Not even to you.”

“And this was one of them?”

He looked her in the eyes. “If what you presume is true, then yes.” Ahsoka narrowed her eyes. How could the senator be so slippery? “Are you leaving? Leia has missed you.”

It was an obvious change of subject, but she sensed Bail didn’t have the answers she wanted. She let it slide. “The longer I stay, the more danger you and your people are in. I need to regroup with the _Ghost_.”

“Ahsoka, Jedi training or not, you need to rest.”

She relented. “I suppose meditating for a while might be alright.”

“I meant to get a good night’s sleep.” Bail gestured at the door. “Perhaps give Leia a history lesson or two. She’s been asking for them for rotations now.”

Ahsoka left, walking swiftly among the corridors, keeping her head down and to the walls. Bail jeopardized much to correspond with her. Her presence in Alderaan was always a closely guarded matter. Though the Jedi Order had long fallen, and with it any tales of padawans that had forsook them, it was still better to be safe than sorry.

When she reached her rooms, Leia was waiting for her on the bed. “Auntie Soka!” Ahsoka hugged the girl tightly. “I suppose you can’t tell me what you and my father talked about?”

“If he wants you to know, he’ll let you.”

“I’m not afraid,” Leia insisted.

“You are very brave,” Ahsoka agreed, “but there are some things you should not be burdened with. A secret once learned can never be forgotten.”

Leia sank back into the bed with a huff. Gone was the anger in Leia that she had seen earlier, whispers of memories of her former master in her head. Ahsoka balanced herself on the edge.

“You remind me of a friend I used to know, back before the Empire. She was a senator, loved by all her people.”

“Who was your friend?” Leia asked.

“Padme Amidala, from Naboo.”

Leia sat up quickly. “ _You_ knew Senator Amidala?” Wonder filled her voice.

Ahsoka smiled slightly. “I take it you’ve heard of her?”

“She’s only one of the greatest politicians in the history of the galaxy! Queen when she was a child, Naboo loved her so much that they elected her senator after her reign had ended. She’s a champion of democracy, of the government. Her gift with politics is possibly unparalleled. She was the best of the best!”

Ahsoka closed her eyes, listening to Leia give impassioned speeches about the senate system and structure of government. Her young, wide-eyed idealism permeated the air. Even her voice reminded Ahsoka of Padme.

How could a planet she’d never been to before the War, a family she had only had passing interactions with, be littered with some many echoes of her past?


	2. INTERLUDE: MALACHOR

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Twilight of the Apprentice](https://youtu.be/_cGsUx9f8oo)  
>  also, shhhh pretend this isn't the wrong tense with the rest of the fic, thx

It is surprisingly easy, she finds, to forget that Darth Vader is Anakin Skywalker. She goes through the moments of her life she was with Anakin, from her first battle at Christophsis to the fateful day when she left the Order. Anakin was wise, caring, loving. And yes, there was much anger in him, with so many secrets she was sure even Obi Wan never knew, so much sadness--but she cannot reconcile Anakin with the Sith Lord from Lothal.

Anakin Skywalker had died the day of Order 66. She’d reached through their bond, felt nothing, and had mourned him for years.

But then she looks into that yellow eye, hears the voice undistorted, the truth comes rushing back.

Ahsoka isn’t delusional, as she looks one last time upon Ezra’s face and blocks Vader’s strike. In a fight, she knows she would never defeat her former master. He had been the best of the best, her teacher no less, and she had left with half-finished training. With the battle station crumbling around them, the chances of her making it out of this place alive were slim. Death loomed.

She has never told anyone, not even Anakin, not even when the nightmares had started, and she would wake up gasping in the middle of the night aftering being engulfed by the nothingness.

Ahsoka remembers dying.

She doesn’t know when it could have been, or what mission it was during. In her memories, death was not darkness. It was the void. And on some days, that knowledge haunted her more than the burden of Darth Vader’s identity.

But she also remembers the light, filling her every fiber, calling to her. The Force, she thinks sometimes. The Force calling her back to the land of the living.

It’s all she remembers: the void and the light.

Vader looms over her, a dark fury, but she looks at his yellow eye and listens to the labored breathing. It occurs to her for the first time that he is in pain. 

She lowers her head. Let him do his worst. If this is what it takes. The world is already falling apart around them anyway. She has died once before and she is not afraid. 

The air around them crackles even louder. A blinding light engulfs her. Then, an embrace. Then, nothing.

When she wakes up, she is alone.

It is dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did he save her? Not really. Vader was about to kill Ahsoka with very little hesitation. He didn’t decide not to kill her. But he didn’t stay long enough to see if the job was done. As the temple collapses, it’s up to you to decide how Ahsoka lived. But Vader didn’t strike her down completely.


	3. two - crawling all the way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What happens on Malachor will be written in a separate fic. All you need to know is that a long time has passed in between the S2 and finale and Ahsoka leaving.
> 
> Written before the second half of S3 of SWR aired.

Tatooine was not much different from how she had remembered it. Dry, hot, cracks in the ground, sand swept in her eyes, stuck in her clothes. Jabba the Hutt was still in control, lavishing away in his cave as the people worked hard to survive. If the Empire cared little of the citizens of the Core, then they cared even less about the Outer Rim and its backwater planets. Thirsty, starving, living from day to day. No different from life under the Republic. 

Mos Eisley was a sorry excuse of a city, but she had seen worse. There were whole systems crumbling. This single port city kept part Tatooine alive, even if it was mostly filled with passersby, hired hands looking for work, and smugglers scrambling around at the behest of local gangsters. 

Now that she was older she had realized, Anakin had been right. The desert  _ was _ merciless. It sucked the life right out of you. In her robes, Ashla chirped insistently.

“Shhh, little one,” she whispered. The soft green and white convor chirped again. “If you don’t stop, you’ll get caught.”

Ever since Ashla had found her, it refused to leave her side at all, which made it hard for Ahsoka to move undetected even in crowded space ports like these. An exotic animal in a backwater planet drew attention, and if the convor didn’t settle down soon, Ahsoka would lose her chance to find what she was searching for.

There was something here, someone important she had to meet. Her vision had told her as much. What else could binary suns mean? Though there must have been dozens of planets in the galaxy with two suns, there seemed to only be one that continually held importance. Tatooine, despite its history and depravity, was once again the center of some greater than itself.

Settling in a dark, empty alley, she closed her eyes and breathed out. The Force would guide her. In her robe, the convor had rested itself on the hilt of her lightsaber, burrowing into her side. Carefully, she dove into the sea of people at Mos Eisley.

She noticed it almost immediately. A light, brighter than all the others. So close to her.

Ahsoka gasped and opened her eyes to scan the crowd, trying to find the person she had sensed through the Force. The last time she’d felt a presence like that was during the Siege of Lothal. It used to be a source of comfort, before it became dread. And now it was tragedy and guilt. His image flashed behind her eyes. 

Suddenly, there was a firm hand on her shoulder. “You should not be here.”

That voice.

“Obi-Wan!” She didn’t know whether to hug the man or slap him across the face. “You’re alive?”

“It is good to see that you are well, Ahsoka, but you should not be here.” The Jedi looked older, his beard speckled with white and shaggier than she remembered. His eyes were lined with wrinkles. He looked tired. Spent. The desert had taken him too. “You endanger the mission.”

“The mission,” she echoed. “Has Bail been talking to you? Are you part of-”

Obi-Wan held up a hand to silence her. “Too many questions, dear. You know I cannot answer them all.”

“Right, right,” she said, calming herself down. “I understand. Perhaps you can help me. I’m searching for something, someone I think. I sensed something earlier, but…” She trailed off, looking into the horizon, landscape filled with nothing but sand.

Amusement colors his voice. “Perhaps it was me you were looking for.”

Ahsoka was still looking around. “I don’t think so,” she told him absent-mindedly trying to recall the presence she had just sensed. “A boy, a young one. Older than a youngling but…” When she finally turned back to him, she saw that Obi-Wan’s eyes had clouded over. “I have a feeling you know what I mean.”

“There are a great many secrets that cannot be shared. I’m sorry. You must leave. I pray that someday you will understand.”

Bail’s words. “The Force brought me here,” she insisted. 

“You brought yourself here. You are searching for answers.”

Her heart stuttered. “You know.” 

Obi-Wan smiled bitterly. “Look not to the past, young one. It will only bring you sorrow. The future awaits us still and with it, hope. My mission is here, and yours is with the Alliance.”

“Master--”

“I am a master no longer, Ahsoka. None of us are.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I did not know if you had survived.”

“Not good enough, Obi-Wan.” If he had been in contact with Bail, then surely he had some inkling of her work in the Rebellion. 

The old man sighed. “I suppose, perhaps, I did not want to dwell on all that we had lost.”

There was something more. There was always something more when it came to Obi-Wan, Ahsoka learned. He left so many things unsaid, kept so many secrets hidden underneath his dutiful Jedi ways and disarming charm. Now, in these desperate days, what else could there be to hide? What else should remain unsaid and stay regrets?

Weren’t they family?

“What do we do?” The question slipped from her lips, unbidden. Ahsoka had long stopped looking over her shoulder for a master. 

Obi-Wan smiled, his eyes filled with kindness and something else. Pride. It was the kind of smile he gave his former padawan when he knew he wasn’t looking. The one, Ahsoka knew, Obi-Wan thought wasn’t allowed.

“You will do what you have always done. You fight, because there are those who cannot defend themselves. You stand up, because you know you are right and that your heart is true. You have always been the best of us.”

“I’m not a Jedi.” The sentence came as reflex, said many times over the years to any who had managed to see her in action.

“You are better.”

She didn’t know what to say that.

Obi-Wan kept smiling and pulled her in slowly for a hug. The action shocked her even more than his words. She couldn’t ever remember the old man showing any overt affection to anyone. It had always been sarcastic quips and unimpressed faces to hide any sort of pride or joy he had for any of his friends, or his padawans. The touch was comforting. She couldn’t remember the last time anyone had hugged her.

In her cloak, Ashla fluttered with discomfort and flew out to perch on her shoulder.

“I see you’ve made a new friend,” Obi-Wan remarked, letting go.

“Ashla,” Ahsoka scolded. “Inside.” The convor flew reluctantly back into the confines of her cloak. Looking back at Obi-Wan, she asked, “Must you stay? I could use your help.”

“As I said, my mission is here.”

Ahsoka quickly cast her awareness towards the crowed again, but the familiar presence she had sensed earlier was long gone.

“And you can’t tell me.”

“I’m sorry.”

Ahsoka sighed and pulled up the hood of her cloak. “May the Force be with you, Obi-Wan.”

“May the Force be with you, little one.”

“I’m not so little anymore.”

“No,” the old man agreed. “You are not.” He placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. “We will meet again, Ahsoka. I am sure of it.”

With that, he left, blending into the crowd until he was just another civilian in a sea of people trying to make it under the Empire.

As she orbited around Tatooine, a planet so dull from the stillness of space, she could see why Anakin never longed for it. Somehow though, they would always be drawn back to it. For better or for worse.

_ I am a master no longer, _ Obi-Wan had told her.  _ None of us are. _ But he had been wrong. There was still one if Obi-Wan couldn’t help her. Someone who had made a name for himself too fast, too soon. In the time she had been trapped on Malachor, the news of the blind Jedi had spread far across the galaxy. She’d heard whispers in the cantinas in seedy cities. The man who does not need to see. A bounty for his crew, alive, and an even greater bounty for his head.

Ahsoka set up the transmission and configured the modulator. He’d better still have the private communicator she gave him after they rescued the youngling on Takobo.

_ Caleb _ , she began.  _ This is Fulcrum _ .

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kanan's story will continue in the next fic in this series


	4. INTERLUDE: RETURN OF THE JEDI

It started with a headache and the strangest compulsion to cry. The battle scar on her heart burned for hours until something just snapped. She couldn’t breathe. Then the message came.

The hydraulic door slid open and she walked into the main area from the cockpit of the  _ Ghost _ . She was still trying to process the information. The future was heavy on her shoulders, the past perhaps even heavier. She felt like she was in a trance, lost in the Force, out of her body.

“Ahsoka?” Hera said. “What did High Command say?”

Four standard days ago, Alliance intel had spread throughout the networks. A faction of the rebellion was going to attempt to destroy the second Death Star. All other cells were to continue with their missions and not concern themselves with the operation, no matter its outcome. Everything else was kept quiet. Not even Ahsoka knew what was going on, only that Leia was stuck in the middle of it. 

She had been afraid it was the last time she would ever speak to her. How wrong she had been.

“Ahsoka, what is it?”

“We have taken Endor. The Death Star has been destroyed.” Her voice sounded dull, like she was just reading off the words she’d seen on the screen when she received the news. The crew burst out in celebration, shouting and slapping each other on the back.

They were so much older now. Eight years since she’d made face-to-face contact with the  _ Ghost _ . Eight years since the worst moment of her life. Ahsoka looked at Ezra in particularly, his once youthful face now sharp lines and all seriousness. The war had hardened him, just as the Clone Wars had done to her and Kanan, and hundreds of other padawans that had not lived to see this day.

And now Kanan...

Was it possible that this was almost over? That they could finally stop fighting?

“There’s more,” she said and they all looked up. “Both the Emperor and Darth Vader were overseeing the final stages of the construction.”

A breath.

“They’re dead.”

Silence.

 


End file.
